Movies create unrealistic expectations about what our relationships should be like, yet we all know that our everyday reality is far from the romantic idyllic relationships presented in movies. Well, maybe at the beginning our relationships might have looked like something from a romantic movie, but then one day we woke up in the morning, looked at our partner sleeping next to us and though ‘How did I end up with you?’
So why are you not crazy in love like you were back in the day? Why do you feel irritated with your partner all the time? Why do you have thoughts such as ‘I want to leave. I want something else. I want someone else? Why are you suddenly comparing your partner to your exes? Why do you feel so lonely, despite being in a relationship?
Struggling in a relationship does not necessary mean that you are with the wrong person. It means that the relationship has changed over time and more importantly you and your partner have changed. You are not the same as you were when the relationship started.
So who are you? Are you an individual in a relationship or are you part of a couple? Sometimes we’re unhappy not because of our relationship, but because we have lost our individuality. We have spent years focusing on being part of a couple and we didn’t maintain our identity as a separate person. And because of that finding a balance between keeping our individuality and being part of a couple can be challenging as prioritizing our own needs and happiness seems alien to us.
However, it’s essential that you realize that the most important relationship you will ever have is the relationship you have with yourself. So don’t be afraid to make it about you; don’t be afraid to shift your focus from ‘we’ to ‘me’. Find out who you are as an individual. Find out what it is you need in order to be happy.
Many times when we're struggling with a relationship and struggling to find our own identity, we don't want others to know about it. And so we often isolate ourselves from our friends and family. But you don't have to struggle alone. Anyone struggling with these issues can seek counselling.
Counselling can help you with many of the problems you may face. Counselling can help you find your own identity and can help you explore your perceptions of your partner and your relationship.